Homework: Week – 1
From tonight, every night for one hour before you go to sleep, sit in the darkness of your room and just feel. Don’t try to find any reason for it. Just feel whatever comes up. Feel the feeling! Don’t be afraid of it! Don’t stop yourself from having a good cry if you feel one coming on.
If you like, keep a note book or journal. Name one section “How hurt I am” , the second one, “What I have lost”, the third “How this is affecting me today” and the fourth “What I’m grateful for”
1. Under the “How hurt I am”, write about your sadness, frustration, anger, guilt, fears, emptiness, despair, yearning, loneliness etc. If you feel hate for your ex, write about that too.
2. In “What I have lost” section, write about the things you’ve lost as a result of the break-up e.g. companionship, friendship, sense of fun, emotional support, intimacy (including sex) etc. be honest with yourself. If for example the sex was lousy, don’t pretend you miss it or if you really weren’t really “friends” be honest about it.
If you had been together for a relatively short period of time and you had not had the opportunity to really get to know the person, write about the opportunities lost, the dreams you had but will now not be realized.
3. On the “how this is affecting you , write about how the break-up has affected you — physically, socially, financially, your daily/weekly routine, your choices/decisions, ability to date again etc.
Also include how the break-up is affecting your relationships with others, how family friends etc. misunderstood what you’re going through etc.
4. On “What I’m grateful for” write about things that you can be thankful for even though you’re no longer with the person you love.
You might be asking yourself: What do I have to be thankful for? But if you look past the pain, you’ll see how being with your ex made you a better person and how the break-up experience has given you a new perspective on a lot of things.
Write about the good and happy times — and the lessons learned etc.
Remember, feelings of loss are very personal, and only you know what is significant to you. Make this a personal project by writing your feelings down in your own way. If you find that days or even weeks go by without you being able to write a thing, be kind to yourself.