Two people decide to go on a one-week diet to lose weight and get back into shape. One person decides to go cold turkey. No meat. No vegetables. No fruits and no water. The other decides he/she’ll not cold turkey but try to learn to eat a little less each day.
Day 1: Not so hard for both dieters. Their resolve is strong and both stick to their choices.
Day 2: Hard for both dieters but their struggles are different. For the person doing cold turkey, the hunger and thirst is beginning to take it’s toll. Cold turkey isn’t easy. For the person trying to control his/her portions, sometimes he/she finds him/herself cheating and eating more than they should. Not good.
Day 3: Getting harder for the person doing cold turkey, but he/she is determined and doesn’t give in. The person trying to control his/her portions is still cheating and seems to be going nowhere fast.
Day 4. Still hard for the person doing cold turkey but the body is adjusting and the hunger and thirst isn’t as bad. He/she however is getting weaker physically. The person trying to control his/her portions is still struggling but cheating a little less.
Day 5: A little easier for the person doing cold turkey. He/she is much weaker physically but the body has somehow adjusted to having no food or water. The best part of it all is that the weight is coming off. The person trying to control his/her portions is cheating less and less but not losing any weight.
Day 6: The weight is really coming off and coming off fast for the person doing cold turkey. They’re feeling great that they finally managed to get the beast under control. The person trying to control his/her portions is getting a little discouraged because the weight isn’t coming off as fast but they are actually getting used to eating less. No more cheating on portions.
Day 7: Both people are feeling good about their achievements but the person doing cold turkey feels a lot happier because he/she has lost a lot more weight.
Day 8: The two dieters head over to their favourite restaurant to celebrate their success completing the one-week diet plan. Who do you think went on a binge?
Quitting clinging and neediness is sometimes like losing weight. Everyone is in pursuit of that “magic” diet that is finally going to completely rid the clinging and neediness. Just like some diets promise quick results, some approaches to curbing clinging and neediness promise to deliver quick results but are harmful to your ability to have a healthy relationship — and may even backfire.
Going cold turkey — staying as far as can be, never initiate a conversation, never call, never arrange for a date or suggest where to go, never reveal your feelings, never ask about the other’s life, and not showing the slightest sign that you really care etc. can seem like the best way to prove you’re not needy or clingy. But like a cold turkey diet, you will get quick results , but results that are unsustainable over a period of time — and may even be harmful to the relationship..
Not taking any action and just waiting for the other person to initiate everything is giving them all the control over the relationship. If they don’t contact you, there’s no relationship. If they don’t know how you truly feel, they’ll assume what you feel and act like it is the reality in the relationship. And if you never arrange for a date or suggest where to go, you’ll find yourself always in places you’d rather not go but have no choice because you took that option off the table.
When you’re just reacting to what the other person says or does, you are not honest with the person you say you love. If this continues, it’s likely to harm not just your relationship, but your self-esteem, self-value and self-confidence because you’re not taking care of you.